Let the high times fly and the good times roll.

Insecurities Are A Fascinating Malady, Seemingly Shared By All Species Of Animal.  This Sense Of Deficiency. Lacking Qualities For Survival Both Social & Physical.  The Inherent Knowledge Of Who Is The Prey & Who Is The Predator.  The Dominant & The Submissive.  Life As A Series Of Power Struggles, Played Out In The Gravitational Forces Of The Cosmos, As Well As The Bio-Mechanical Warlike Processes Of Bacterium, Within.
 
Fighting Is Ubiquitous.  But It Is Human Who Has Taken Fear To A New Level, Who Wears It Like A Deformity, Convincing Itself Of It's Own Inferiority.  So We End Up With Select Individuals Thieving Our Sense Of Worth, Using Our Weaknesses As Weapons Against Us.  And We Lie Awake, At Night, Suffocating On Our Own Tongues Reluctance To Speak Up.  Sleepless Hours Filled With Inadequacy.
 
But The Worst Of All, Is This Acceptance, That It Can Never Change, That One Is Sentenced To A Particular Station In Life, A Certain Class Of Experience.  To Determine One's Own Unfortunate Outcome, Before The First Step Is Taken.  Failure In The Heart Of The Self.
 
Insecurities Are FACT, Sometimes Even A Necessary Warning, In The Prevention Of Harm, But In Know Ways Are They A Constant.  A Life-Long Predicament.
 
They Are But Challenges Begging To Be Overcome.  And, Perhaps (Who Knows), Maybe Even THE PURPOSE, Of This Whole "Being" Thing, Itself.

Movies : The land before time, Shawshank Redemption, Requiem for a Dream


Outings : Restaurants, Hills and Mountains, Beach


Meats : Lamb, beef…  Medium-rare, Pork, Chicken


Meals : Longanisa,Shrimp(anti-allergy needed),Lumpiang Shanghai,Brocoli


Deserts : Mousse, angel cake with wipped cream, Belgian Waffle


Fruits : Mango, watermelon, pineaple, Dalandan, Pomelo


Season : Taglamig


Drink : Milk, Beer, Vodka


I like to : go on trips, sing, do movie/TV marathon


Colors : black, white


House pets : Dog, cat, chicken


Flowers : Rose


I would like to visit : Reykjavík, Wellington, Amsterdam, Coelho de Rocha


Music : RnB, dance music, Alternative


Idol : Prince


Artists :  chicane, incubus, blondie, jamiroquai, the script, coldplay, bob marley, utada hikaru,norah jones, sia, goldfrapp, britney spears, deftones, radiohead,no doubt,  jay-z, jason mraz, 311, beatles, pink floyd, ac/dc, spandau ballet, Bjork, n.e.r.d.


Songs : Grace, When I think of you, Fast Love, Aqueous Transmission


Actor : Mel Gibson, Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, John Travolta


Actress : Natalie Portman, Angelina Jolie, Keira Knightley


Causes : animal rights, environmental


Ice-cream : Chocolat, pistachio, mango


Tv show : CSI, Heroes


Saying : Be grateful for what you have, stop worrying about what you wish you had


Precious to me : Friends and family


Tree : Willow, Palm tree, Coconut


City or country: Country


Salt or pepper : Salt


Sweet or sour : Sweet


Hot or cold : hot


Despise : Lies, unfaithfullness


Love: Honesty


Admir : Oprah


Deepest desire : Make lots of money to spoil my parents


Convictions: do good and be the best

Having no school and no work for almost half a year already really left me nothing to do at home but to eat, sleep and watch movies! here are some of the flicks i have in my iPod that i might or might not recommend. Popcorn?

just so you know, the ratings are all just based from my taste. deal with it

The Bucket List

The story is quite predictable, but I still enjoyed it. Never mind how impossible the storyline is because it is a great movie about friendship - how two men become great friends in a short time and help each other out throughout the time they are together. It moves along at a smooth pace and I never got bored, so the writer gets credit for that. The acting was top notch as Nicholson and Freeman draw forth the right emotion in the audience at the right time. The emotional parts are done just right, but the funny scenes are the best. I laughed throughout the movie but not as much as I would in a true comedy movie, but the comic scenes in this one really work and Nicholson is the "main man" in them. It does have a message at the end about how you should live your life to the fullest, how your family is important, and how you should be happy in life and the movie delivers that message perfectly. 7.7/10


The Other Boleyn Girl

Overall, the movie is entertaining. I thought the acting was good, particularly Scarlett Johansson's. The cinematography and editing leave much to be desired, and the entire movie seems rushed. If you have any knowledge of Tudor history,you will recognize the many inaccuracies, but who gives a shit. I don't know a thing about their history but I was entertained. People are bitching about the movie being inaccurate I don't know, you want accurate, watch American Idol. 7.9/10


The Mist

Stephen King's original story captured the minds and imaginations of hundreds of thousands of people, including mine, with the thought of monsters in a mist. You're being attacked by monsters, you know that. But what do these monsters look like? You can't see an inch in front of your face in the mist. In Frank Darabont's 'The Mist', we find ourselves locked inside of a grocery store with about 20 or 30 other people. And there's a catch...
You can't leave, or else you will die. 7.3/10


Atonement

Who knew that something so simple could develop into a monstrous misunderstanding that changes the entire outcome of things... This is a very different film, and it does things in a way that makes you question why, but by the end it leaves you thinking why not. While parts of it may be confusing, everything becomes clear by the end. The ending is simply marvelous. I've never seen anything quite like it. You would like to think that it's complete, but after what has happened it can never be. There is humor. There is mystery. There is romance. There are twists and turns, and there is heartbreak.I just love it. 8.8/10


Memento

An original idea, an amazing film. This film goes beyond any Drama or Crime Thriller story. It's about a man, Lenny. He's got a short-term memory condition. The film is well edited in the way you follow the story with more meaning to it. The film is presented backwards. It truly fits the story, great overall cinematography. Lenny's life is pretty much twisted, as his memory is weak and he has to depend on his notes and tattoos. It's hard to talk about this film with detail, as it will spoil the film. It must be seen. 7.8/10


Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

I am not a type of person who likes Tim Burton films and I have rarely seen ones(Most of them were starring by Depp). However, this film is different, it is a combination of Comedy, Thriller, musical, Drama and tragedy film. And it is well enough to be watched again and again without boring. The music is impressively wonderful. It fulfills all the meaning of what they want to say and also the emotion. The voice of Depp is good and compared to the stage play(without bias indeed) I think he can show more appropriate feeling of the songs. Everyone else's singing is great, too, ohhh Mrs. Lovett's. Her voice is quite thin and makes the songs less sweet, but still acceptable and i still love her character. And it is good to shorten the songs, or else they would be too long and I would have been boring like some other musical film. The humor of the film is fabulous especially the contest scene. The performance of all the actors is good and I am not surprise to see Depp in the list of Oscar's nominee though I do not expected him to get that award. In conclusion, this is an enjoyable film, good enough to see it twice. Indeed the worst pies in London! 8.4/10


There Will Be Blood

There Will Be Greed. There Will Be Vengeance. 'There Will Be Blood'. There's no easy way to approach this movie, it's about as unsettling and disturbing as they come. With piercing subtlety, this haunting epic takes us to a dark place exploring business, religion, and above all else, greed. Completely enthralling and one of this year's most ambitious pictures, 'There Will Be Blood' is a near masterpiece that gives us perhaps the greatest performance we've seen in years. 8.0/10


No Country for Old Men

Something to bear in mind is this is not an action film. Go into it expecting something more along the lines of Seven or Silence of the Lambs. This film will leave a lot of questions in your mind and it won't spoon feed you the answers. You are expected to think and come up with some of your own conclusions. And you won't necessarily be happy with them (for some reason). Overall though, this is just a great suspense-thriller with some of the best dialog I've heard in years. Anton Chigurh is easily a top 5 on screen villain. It will keep you thinking with you for days if you let it. 8.3/10


The Departed

My first impression of this movie from trailers was that it should be good mostly due to the impressive resume of the cast...and after watching it i think this was pretty spot on. A really good movie with in my opinion a superb cast, and i have to say i thought Mark Whalberg really made the film that much better and he really made me laugh (in a good way) Though without spoiling any of the story line i would have to say that anyone who doesn't like violence and some "bloody" bits may not be too keen, though its not overly gory or anything just quite violent, as you would expect from this type of "ganster style film". I would recommend this movie to anyone who appreciates a good storyline and good performances from some of the best in Hollywood. 7.8/10


Running Scared

This was a fast paced movie, with lots of strange twists. There was a wide array of characters, so pay attention. It all adds up in the end. I was trying to think of a movie like this one to compare, but I don't think there was one. I especially enjoyed the boy character, Oleg in this film. He did a great job even with being so young. There were a few times where you are totally like...OHHHH HURRY HURRY!! at the screen, which adds to the allure of the movie. Paul walker is nice to look at and his acting skills seem to have improved since fast and furious days, that's for sure. So, grab the popcorn, the boyfriend (or girlfriend) and hit the flicks. One thing though - Don't get up and go to the bathroom as you may miss out on something. 8.5/10


The Shawshank Redemption

Shit it's beautiful! This movie has to be one of the very best films i've seen in my lifetime. I am usually not that fond of drama films but the portrayal of the characters and the amazing script made it a perfect translation from the Stephen King book. Morgan Freeman gives one of his best performances in this movie and actually makes you believe him as a jail smuggler, better than Chris Rock in the Longest Yard ever did. The cinematography is brilliant showing the sheer scale of this old decaying prison. The movie may not have received any Academy Awards (the show was stolen by Forrest Gump that year) but it still remains to be one of the best films around. If your looking for a deeper movie more than you're typical action flick, this will provide what you were looking for. Go out and watch it, heck go and buy it because you'll want to watch it time and time again. 9.0/10

Stolen from my friend who has chosen to remain Anonymous. She didn't actually tag me (or anybody else), but I thought it was a good one and decided to do my version.
Anyway, let's get on with it.

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say To Ten Different People Right Now


1. You're the best (platonic) friend I have ever had, and the fucked up part about that is that I've known you the least amount of time. You went far out of your way to help me out a lot when you hardly even knew me, and nobody else has ever really done that for me before you did. You're by far one of the most kick ass chicks I've ever met, and I have so much respect and admiration for you. You handle your pregnancy very well and it makes me almost not terrified of parenthood.
Congratulations again.
You're the shit.

2. I think it's great that you can confide in me, and I'm happy that you have been able to admit some of your darkest secrets out loud. It's heartening to know that you can acknowledge them, especially to yourself. I really admire that, and I know how much you must be struggling with it. I will never betray your trust, or use those secrets against you. I do wish you would do more to improve your situation, though. Now I know that you understand the dangers of your circumstances, and that you have failed to make the right choices. Please do the right thing. And if you ever need help to do that, I will help you to the best of my ability.
God knows you will need it. You deserve better.
(P.S. Please stop mispronouncing every proper name you say. I hate the way it makes me grit my teeth.)

3. I am slightly disturbed by what you've chosen to do with your life. It has made me realize that, after years of being so close, you've become someone that I don't know at all. But I think that you've done something that is respectable, and I acknowledge you for it. I just thank my lucky stars that I didn't go there with you. Or...stay there with you, as it were.

4. Jesus, you're a cunt. I cannot begin to describe the relief I feel in the knowledge that I won't have to see you for the next three weeks. Your jealousy is not a valid excuse to be a bitch to me under these pretexts, and the hardships you're facing do not excuse your deplorable behavior. I cannot believe that someone of such advanced years would act like such a child. You are by far the oldest 14-year-old I have ever met. I cannot wait until you get your comeuppance.

5. Please get your shit together. You're going to hurt yourself, or someone else. And please stop lying and manipulating. None of us are as stupid as you seem to believe we are. And, even after all of the bullshit, we all care. So, again, please get your shit together.

6. I'm disappointed. I'm not surprised, but I'm disappointed. You made a commitment, and a minimal one at that. You know damn well your reasoning and logic are full of holes and inconsistencies, and that really you're just too apathetic to take responsibility. I think that it's important that you understand the repercussions of your decision...or, lack of one, as it were. Please reflect on that, in earnest.

7. The power to reproduce does not define the strength or worth of women. Please stop treating females as if that's all they've got going for them. We can all do it naturally. Yes, it takes work to be a mother, I've just acknowledged that above, but some of us have other valuable aspirations, too.

8. I miss you... *muah*

9. Thank you so much for everything you are trying to do for all of us. I cannot even express how much I admire you, and how supportive I am of your causes. You're a wonderful inspiration, and I have so much hope because of you. Even in the face of great adversity you are remarkably poised, and your intellect is comforting. I am on your side, all the way.

10. Uhm, about the sex toys in the bedroom that I saw when I was there fixing your PS3, I really can't get it off my head.

I read an article today about two conservative radio hosts in a radio show who said that Magic Johnson faked having AIDS. Well….that is one way to get your name mentioned nationally. Why would someone fake that? And if he did….would it really be such a bad thing? Magic was the first loved athlete to come out and say, “Hey I have HIV….no, I am not gay and so this should be a lesson to all that anyone can get it.” I was never a Lakers fan but I respected Magic’s abilities as an athlete. I respected him more for coming out and saying that he had made some serious mistakes in his life and marriage and now it had cost him dearly. He did not try to hide it, or just give up on life when he found out.

The radio hosts made the comments due after talking about how people could learn to live with Diabetes and have a long life. One then said, “Like Magic.” And the other said, “Yes, like Magic Johnson and his faked AIDS.” Was he trying to be funny? Wouldn’t you save those jokes for your friends and not a regional audience? Are your ratings that bad that you need bad press to try and get some press?

But let me do my thing here….

Let’s say Magic faked AIDS/HIV. Wouldn’t that be one of the biggest sacrifices a person can make? Willingly become the target for millions of people who were ignorant of the virus at the time. Not really being welcome in the sport he once dominated. Instead of just being known for all he did on the court he would now be synonymous with his off court activities. He then was the “Ambassador” for AIDS/HIV awareness. The average person became interested in finding out how a heterosexual man was able to contract a virus that only homosexuals contracted.A star had something meant for those on the fringe of society. I think his achievements after his “announcement” were far more valuable to the world than anything he did on a basketball court. And if he faked all this….well…..um…..I should thank him. He opened my eyes to something we should all have paid attention from the start.

He faked it….yeah, right.

I am the moon across the sunlit sky,
By chance it will eclipse your heart
Don't be relieved or elated
At the speed of thought it dissipates

In the evening, we convene
the journeys distinct in paths
you might remember,
but perhaps it best your
memory fade of the blaze when
we once met

1. People asking why I'm in a bad mood when I'm not.

2. Chewing gum stuck places other than the trash can.

3. People that complain about everything(yeah,I do suppose that's me right now but whatever)

4. Going to the kitchen to get something to eat or drink only to find that someone else has already had it.

5. Always being asked where stuff is even if I never had it.

6. Gas prices of course!

7. Items are getting more expensive, but package sizes / servings are getting smaller.

8. Containers that get put back in cabinets / refrigerator empty.

9. Inconsiderate people and Selfish bitches.

10. Getting all the way home with your to-go order and finding out its WRONG

I think nowadays, (real) men are turning into something... i dunno... socially unclassifiable?!

This got me thinking about several of my (real) guy friends and I came to this conclusion:

1.They play basketball but they read literature

2.They love music but don't do drugs, dress like a rock star or have long filthy hair

3.They are emotionally connected but they don't wear make up, dress in black clothes or participate in acts of deliberate self-harm

4.They love to drink beer but are not sexist and they don't shoot our native animals.

5.They work out but are not of Italian, Greek or Lebanese descent and don't spend three hours a day at the gym.

6.They are hygienic and moisturise their skin but they don't own a hair straightener or use product everyday.


Are they, therefore, some hybrid breed of male? I know what they are not - they not jocks, they are not emos, they are not a rockstars, they are not a gym junkies, rednecks or bogans, they are not metrosexual or homosexual.

Is the rest of the male kind this confused - or is it just them? Whilst I am aware that these are stereotypes, as a society we do brand people to define social groups…do these stereotypes even exist anymore?

wachathink?

I'm sorry, but I want to talk about men that produce, and then they don't produce. It's a sad thing.

I've known this guy that is a friend of mine that had a baby with this girl. Now, as a person, I like this girl. I think she is a good girl.

I also like my friend. He says some of the craziest shit sometimes; he says shit that doesn't even make sense sometimes. But he's got a good heart, he just drinks a LOT, and he can't handle his liquor. He has always been this way.

I saw my friend when his girl was pregnant. He was happy. And more importantly, he was on a path for a career in software. He was responsible, and he was trying. He was doing it right, other than the drinking.

My beef is that my friend was just stupid when he drank, not like violent, or anything. But she changed her mind and left. And she was rather hostile

When you bring a child into the world, you should always guide it. What better way can there be to realistically change the world, but through your children? If you're a male and you have a child out there that you're not preparing for life, you're not a man by me.

I've heard theories that running away is the right thing to do, if that is what makes you happy. That you should be true to yourself. That is selfish. That is wrong. At least, it is in my eyes.

Nothing that's worth having comes without work. There are no get rich quick schemes. We can only change that which is directly all around us. What better way, than through the kids? When you have a kid and you don't get to know them, then you have missed a special life-changing moment.

I know some people might not be able to have children, and if they want children, I hope I'm not offending. I'm just saying that children often make us into better people. They bring us back to innocent times, when we were naive and gullible. And they challenge us to get ahead of our game. And if you have a child that you don't know, it is worth the effort to change that. And if you're the child, while it might not be easy, we should try to forgive.

We only live once, and people make mistakes, too.

And now it's time to talk about that other thing that everyone relates to.

This was spurred by a conversation I had with a friend, over the things that each person wants to hide. Too often we get caught up in thinking we're the only ones to hold up and maintain a facade, that careful thing we hide behind to mask insecurity.

Some of us hide things like self-consciousness, or the feeling of not appearing credible, or the fear of letting people down, or covering up emotion. And though letting go seems the logical option something like an insecurity doesn't just go away. There's no real way to talk yourself out of a method of behavior if it's something you've grown up with--not unless it's a steady, torturous process that you're willing to undertake. And even then--how do you rid yourself of an insecurity? Do you grow out of it?

I have a feeling that even if a person were to slave away attempting to achieve a method of thinking when something's been engraved in their heads since they were a kid, the end result would not be as powerful as you might think. Things like self-confidence are so-called "natural" feelings; they're supposed to come naturally, not something you earn. Say you're worried about the way you look. You diet, hard, and you exercise harder. You fight for every single lost pound, every muscle, and then at the very end you find that even if you have it you don't achieve the self-confidence that was supposed to come with it. You may still end up critical of yourself, over something, anything.

Observing, it's funny how many different methods people use for covering up. One person I know acts out in the strangest ways, seemingly sporadically, just because she feels invisible to the people she craves attention from. Another uses the most simple one: lying, for a variety of purposes, until it became so huge that life inevitably caught up to her. Another clams up entirely so as to not give anything away. Another is an outrageous flirt, used for the more obvious reason: to feel liked, loved, or wanted. Yet another, surprisingly, uses humor and a false cheerfulness to give the impression that he can be trusted in business.

In a way, the last one has a point; being depressed makes a person come across as emotionally insecure, and therefore not a person to place faith in until they're more stable. Still, it's just another way of masking unhappiness. It's admittedly a relief to consider these, because with so many different examples it makes my own "problems" seem so small. It looks like I have it pretty good compared to some others.

You can see yourself as one of these, if not more than one of these. I suppose that's the purpose of some of my blogs: to challenge you, to make you really look. No intended effect, just an encouragement towards a little introspection. It's my way of confessing my inner thoughts with an additional objective.

A question here:
Do you think it's possible for someone to manipulate another person and have noble intentions? Even if the intentions are good, is it still always wrong to manipulate? Say you're attempting to protect someone's feelings, so you play your cards right to make them feel less strongly than they had so they're not hurt. Is that wrong? I do it all the time, but mostly to get myself out of messes I put myself into. What, then, makes it right or wrong?

That one I actually really would like an answer, so comment or message me if you've got a few spare minutes. I'd appreciate it :)

It seems everyone has their favorite story of the driver that should have their license revoked. Often, I think, that person is us. At other times, it really is that inconsiderate person that backs up cars to the next county line.

For the past several months, I have been in the habit of turning off my alarm rather than smashing the snooze button. It allows me to get the few extra minutes—hours of sleep I need. The residual ten minutes are allocated to wait for the microwave to finish heating, waiting for my mom who travels two floors to get my allowance, navigating the maze we call traffic flow, fight for the last parking space that is within eyesight my work place and run into the station to catch the rounds that should have started minutes ago.

That particular morning, I chose to take a less traveled route to work. Everything worked out well except for the arrival of a "kariton". This about 3 feet tall and 3 meters wide trash monster suddenly gets on my way while speeding.

Was really speeding and it was still dark to see that black themed dud. I stepped on the brakes, i downshifted, but it was too late... I began to throw a flurry of horn honks and screams that could not be heard outside my vehicle... then again it was too late and too useless...and so I crashed.

I can say that I was in my most relaxed and most composed being in the next 5 mins. I was partly scared coz I did not know what to do... until my dad came and talk to the police and he made me go to work by riding the jeep.

Thank God no one was hurt (weird, I wish I caused that kariton owner even just a minor injury... I know it's mean, but he was a little irritating)

well it cost me my license, and I still don't have it (it's been 3 weeks). I miss driving but I guess I won't be in a long while.


After enduring five more traffic signals, I arrived at work an hour late.

a friend once told me "Di mo aaminin na hindi ka maingat na drayber hanggat hindi ka pa nababangga..."

tsk tsk tsk...

A lot of things happened last year. Some really tragic some are ever convivial. Stress polluted moments really troubled me. Happy moments nourished me with passion and optimism. Mistakes helped me grow and Challenges made me stronger. And relationships... don't get me started on that.

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. You learn that loving doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security, and you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. After a while you learn to build all your dreams on today because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for dreams, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn to plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really are strong, that you really do have self worth, you can endure, and you learn... with every "goodbye" you learn.

Happy New Year everyone!

one of my fave moment in life is whenever i get drunk. i love the feeling of being restless and stupid. best thing is you get to be yourself without fear. in other cases getting drunk exceeds expectations about oneself. scary but tru ehahah thats why i love drinking. it makes me feel like I'm on limit break!

here are some of my drug pics.. warning: these are really embarrassing and stupid ones so brace yourselves

Saturday night was spent with my friends @ john's pad. everybody was drunk like zombies. We played the uno stacko(?) and some cards that I barely won on. It was fun coz the loser of the game will have to drink one full shot of vodka + a very "difficult" question. Difficult means a very personal one. I lost several times, and shame and drunkness was my reward. hahaha

Gloomy, tired, sore, and a little hung over, I awoke this morning with no delight to greet the day and what it had to offer.  My head hurt. A slight hint of the inevitable cold/flu that's coming to me as a reminder of how quite stupid I still am, was also present. 

I was trying to get fit just a while ago, with the hiphop abs. I have to say that this is hip and gay. Spent an hour learning Sean's dance steps and I can say that I now dance like an angel! My body hurts though... I hope that I'll be able to do this everyday to get thin.

I went to a mall to look for some christmas tree decoration because I felt that ours was a lil anemic. I found a big star decor and some lights. When I got home I fixied it and it looks fine. I hope it passed santa's standards though

dagsaan
My first hospital rotation for the semester is at the Las Piñas General Hospital. It has a real name actually,something like LP satellite trauma center WTF does that mean?! anyway, i was assigned to the Medical-Surgical area wherein a few number of sick patients rant about their conditions. I didnt really care much because I have two subordinates and two other sub-subordinates all I did was to play commander.


i have healing hands

The hospital chef cooks well, and the price is more than reasonable. The hospital stinks tho, it somehow squirts out garbage-like stench all over the area. We call the scent "q15" because medically, it means "every 15 mins" - thats the time interval of the stinkbomb to engage all over the place and we better wear our masks by that time then. The workload is very light for there were so many staffs and students in the station - thats why I had time to chat and laugh with my new groupmates and play PSP (discreetely). Our Instructor prolly understands us and I salute him for providing us such light and stress-free working environment. i'm going to miss this place.

Ah. Here we are, a few days after the start of the holiday season. Hmm. Has the holiday bug bit you yet? I am somewhat bitten. It's a little itchy.

Went out a while ago with a friend who's buying a pair of cute shoes I wish was mine. I just went with her to have some Christmas window shopping. I don't wanna buy things yet coz i don't have enough money and besides, I really love the essence of Christmas panic buying! As early as now I bought myself a Christmas gift - a tape car audio jock for my poor iPod. Merry Christmas to ME!

In other news, we bought a fake Christmas tree yesterday. We joyfully put it together, fluffing up the plastic branches. We both have scratches on our arms and hands from the effort. No one ever said Christmas is easy, eh? Our tree topper is Gardening Santa. You have to see him to appreciate his cabbage - (exaggerating) . But the tree is darn gorgeous. I am a bit of a showboat when it comes to decorating a tree. I didn't watch years of Martha Stewart for nothing, you know. The weather outside is going to be uncooperative this week, so I plugged the tree in to cheer me up today and give me some chilling essence. Ahhh, pretty lights...

We also decorated the yard with fancy lights. Ati and I both felt the need to be festive. Our weeping willow is a gorgeous focal point of the display. Neighbors have ooohed, and people walking/driving by haved aaahed. I can't help it but go out every night to gaze at the lights. I'm a sucker for shiny things.

I want to get our dog Robbie a stocking this year. It will be a tiny little thing, but it should be bigger than she is right now. And I will smile everytime I see it hanging from the mantle between my brothers' stockings and mine. I've become a big ol' sap.

Happy Holidays, y'all.

the song that kept me fighting.
just one sentence in the entire song, who needs shakesphere?

I bought one of those Peppermint Mocha things from Starbucks this morning. I don't really like coffee but I figured what the hell, I only live once and why miss out on a possible good thing. So, I drank it and started to vibrate from caffine overload on the the streets, annoying anyone who happened to walk near me by humming random theme songs.

Sadly this was the highlight of my day...

After that I felt sleepie but did not sleep. I was surfing late last night and I woke up early so thats why.

After eating lunch I checked my emails and busted out laughing.




LAUGHING with SNORTS

Ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity....

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses and point a hair dryer at passing cars, see if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom...in your own voice.

3. Everytime someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".

5. Put decaf coffee in the coffee maker for three weeks and then once everyone has gotten over their caffine addiction switch to expresso.

6. In the memo field on all of your checks put "for smuggling diamonds".

7. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

8. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat with a serious face.

9. Specify when you are in the drive through that your order is "to go".

10. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

11. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

12. Over dinner tell your children that due to the economy, you have to let one of them go.

thats it for now, update later...

In the depth of one's heart there is a need to be loved, appreciated, accepted and needed. There isn't a person who exists or has existed that has not had this longing. That's really why we search for meaningful relationships in the first place. Sure, in this wordly world we live in, many people choose to settle for the shallowness of mere sexual "relationships", which are usually frequent and short and never truly fulfill the hidden desires of a person's being. Most come out of those relationships feeling disappointed, empty and frustrated. We choose our own demise.

What ever happened to the notion that we look for that one person who was made for us, and us for them? What's wrong with settling down and starting a family and staying in that committed relationship "´til death do us part"? After all, it is our God-given destiny. But, no, we've become a feel-good society where the word "committment" is an old-fashioned word. That is - until we get hurt. My, my. Narcissism is running rampant today. Self-sacrifice is a rare gem, while selfishness rules the roost.

Why do people cheat? In my own words:

Instead of showing restraint and excercising true and lasting committment, they selfishly give in to temptation giving little thought to those who will hurt and have to suffer the consequences.

Cheating on a person you've made a solemn promise to is never right. You may have become bored or frustrated in a relationship, you may even feel neglected. But, betraying that person is always wrong. Don't do it. Be the mature, responsible and loving person you need to be to hold the relationship together.

Love, which could take us to a whole new topic, is not - I repeat - not an emotion. Love is a decision. Period. It takes courage to truly love a person. And if you truly love them, you will not cheat on them.

Thems my words, folks. Take ém or leave ém. Be a lover, not a cheater. Be strong and resist temptation. Be couragious and press on. Renew the joy of being in a loving and committment relationship. Go the extra mile. It is worth it. Believe me, people in this lonely world actually envy what you have.

The more I'm growing and learning about myself the more I'm amazed at the place i have found myself in

even though i find myself more alone I'm more alive...but also as i go back and look at my life i don't feel like i have wasted time i was living maybe not in the right way but in the way i knew how

and coming from that and finding myself more open, happier, and carefree I'm amazed at how much i yearn and so ready for love

and i go back to that song...ready for love ohhh baby I'm ready for love and i have to wonder am at the place now because I'm single

my thoughts and days are no longer filled w/ shoulda woulda coulda or waiting for him to come to his senses or any of that...

all of that is truly behind me and that is why I'm having these thoughts that i have never had before

that and being a different person and believing I'm deserving and just totally being in a different frame of mind and it is refreshing

not to be angry, not to question...just to look forward to whatever maybe out there for me

i never say never and i don't know what lies ahead for me but i know that my next relationship with whoever the person will be totally different...

b/c I'm totally different and for the first time in my entire life I'm truly ready for love...and this is an awesome place to be...i have to wonder how i could ever want to fight how in my mind it had became such a safety issue for me to guard against it

I realized that accepting that I'm ready for it is a lot better than always on guard to fight any sign of it...i won't go back and say i wasted so much time i don't think that is the case all of that led me to here and i realized it when it was meant for me to realize it...

i have my moments b/c the unknown and no control goes against my personality but man it is a helluva a lot less stressful just handing it over and having faith that it will all be taking care of...thanking the lord for my blessing and waiting for what the next day may bring if only it brings me realizing how far i have came that is worth waking up for.